1.16pm

“Have you spoken to John Howard, and do you know if he’s retiring,” asks a reporter, as Warne exits stage left to laughter and a round of applause. That’s it. The man has said his piece. At the age of 37, with 699 Test wickets from 143 matches, with the prospect of two more games to come, Shane Warne has announced his retirement from international cricket, Australian domestic cricket and club cricket for his local St Kilda team. He will, however, continue to honour his contract with Hampshire for the next two years. Catch him there while you can, because you’ll not see his like again in a hurry.

1.14pm

“We expect England to come out and play with pride,” says Warne, but he believes the coming weeks will be celebrational rather than emotional.

1.12pm

Warne says he discussed his retirement with, among others, Ian Chappell and his ex-wife, Simone, “who’s been there for the journey.” He wants to be remembered as “an entertainer, who enjoyed himself along the way.”

1.10pm

“Let’s hope they can contain the bushfires for a week, and let the rains to come along next week,” he jokes, when asked about the prospect of a 700th wicket on home turf at the MCG.

1.08pm

“There was a little bit of shock when I told Ricky I was going to retire,” says Warne. “He is a good friend and my captain. It makes me feel good that I’ve had such an impact. Sometimes you don’t realise the impact you have.” He recalls the example of Dan Cullen, who used to chase the team bus to get Warne’s autograph, and is now a team-mate.

1.06pm

The Ball of the Century? “It definitely makes me smile. As I’ve said a thousand times, it was just a fluke. I’m just thankful Gatt missed it.”

1.04pm

“Sachin Tendulkar and Brian Lara have been the best two batsmen of my era,” he adds. “Lara places the ball unbelievably well, while I admire Sachin for what he has to go through every day. 50 million people wanting you to succeed. One of the hardest things about being a successful player is the weight of expectation. Domestically, Darren Lehmann has been the hardest player I’ve had to bowl to.”

1.02pm

“If England had retained the Ashes in this series, would you have pushed on to 2009?” asks Dean Wilson of the Daily Mirror. “Yup.”

1.00pm

“Richie is the man, he knows everything about everything,” says Warne, when asked about the influences in his career. “I wished I’d played under Ian Chappell,” he adds, before reminiscing about their time living together in Augusta, when they were both covering the US Masters … in Warne’s brief Channel Nine gig as a “roving reporter”. “And I wouldn’t be where I am without Terry Jenner,” he adds.

12.57pm

“I don’t know what Steve Waugh’s on,” he retorts, when asked about Waugh’s opinion that Warne might one day line up as a coach of England.

12.56pm

Any chance of a comeback? "No." Lows? Losing the World Cup final in 1996, and then losing the one-run Test against West Indies in 1992-93, before being hammered by Curtly Ambrose's 7 for 1 at Perth. The only home series defeat of his career. Any regrets about missing out on the captaincy? "I've been very lucky," he says, not quite answering the question.

12.54pm

Warne recalls his haul of 7 for 52 here at Melbourne in 1992-93 against West Indies as the moment he realised he was good enough to belong to the team full-time.

12.52pm

“Do you want your life to be less like a soap opera,” asks Stephen Brenkley of The Independent. “You guys will be the judge of that,” he replies, before adding that he hopes there’s a bit less moralising about his life in future.

12.50pm

“At times I pushed the line, particularly with my appealing, but I think I made cricket more enjoyable,” says Warne, before confirming that he will honour the final two years of his Hampshire contract. “Who knows what the future holds? I want to spend more time with my children, that’s for sure. But my focus is these next two Test matches. I’ll have a few drinks and a few smokes afterwards, and take it from there.”

12.48pm

Warne reiterates that his favourite Test win was the recent victory at Adelaide. Before that, you have to rewind to the tour of Sri Lanka in August 1992, the first occasion on which he won a match for Australia with 3 for 11. Thirteen years between highs. No wonder he’s satisfied with his timing.

12.46pm

“I’ve given as much as I could to cricket. I’ve never walked away when I’m tired or knackered. But the job’s not done yet. We want to win 5-0,” says Warne.

12.44pm

Warne reveals he would have retired after the 2005 Ashes, had Australia managed to retain them. “But this is my time, and getting the Ashes back was my mission, and I couldn’t have worked the script any better. When it’s your time you just know.”

12.42pm

“I sit here today with every single trophy in the Cricket Australia cabinet," says Warne. "I retire a very happy man. My life has been unbelievable. I’m going out on top, and in my terms. It’s a day of celebration."

12.40pm

Warne has announced his retirement from international, domestic and St Kilda cricket. But he hasn't mentioned Hampshire just yet. He still has two years to run on that contract ...

12.38pm

Philip Pope, the Cricket Australia media man, is on the stage, doing a bit of pre-presser "housekeeping". The great man is waiting in the wings.

12.37pm

A flash of cameras and a hush descends, but it's only James Sutherland and the Cricket Australia crew. The tension is killing us.

12.35pm

No official word just yet, but the reminiscing has begun already. This morning, on Australia's Today show, Mark Taylor was asked by a random TV presenter how the Aussies would cope with the loss of one of the game's "great sledgers". "Awww... mate, he's not that good," quipped Taylor. "He tends to just start with a four-letter word and then says a load of nonsense."

12.30pm

Channel Nine has already gone live, apparently, but there's nothing to see just yet, save the back of a lot of gossiping heads. As the clock ticks over to zero-hour ...

12.15pm

Expectant chatter turns to an expectant hush, but then reverts to another expectant chatter. What are the bets on the man being fashionably late?

12.00pm

A monstrous media presence now. At least 14 TV cameras, twice as many photographers, and four times that number of journalists. Most of the photographers are camped at the entrance to the big black curtain, from behind which Warne is expected to sweep in the next half-an-hour. About the only people oblivious to the goings-on are the ground staff out in the middle of the amphitheatre. With five days to go until the Boxing Day Test, however, they'll have arguably the biggest part to play in the whole send-off.

11.15am

Enter through Gate 2 and, as instructed by the media advisory, head straight up the escalator to the Members' Dining Room. No-one else around but a few early-bird cameramen, a handful of Cricket Australia officials in jacket and ties, and the ghosts of several dozens of legends of the game, looming down on the scene from their portraits on the walls. It is here that I catch my first glimpse of the great ground. Even when empty it is an extraordinary arena, with tier upon tier towering up to the skies. There could be no better venue for such a showman as Warne to face his final curtain. If, of course, that is what he intends to do.

11.00am

Arrive at "The G", just as a large bronze statue is being offloaded from a trailer on the concourse. The grand, sweeping action (coupled with rumours I heard while at the WACA) lead me to believe it is Dennis Lillee, although the men ripping the off the bubble-wrap insist that, come the morning, it will look somewhat different. "We're going to saw its head off overnight," jokes one of them, "and stick Shane Warne's on instead."

10.45am

Well, something's definitely happening. As I set off on the hour-and-a-half journey from Mount Martha, on the Mornington Peninsula, to Melbourne, an email arrives from Cricket Australia, confirming that Shane Warne will indeed be present at the MCG "to share his thoughts with the media". Well, that's nice and ambiguous. Something rather dramatic must be afoot after all.