The Sheffield Shield once spent a night in my house and currently it resides in the Lord’s museum, which must be a bit of a pain for Victoria, who won Australia’s domestic trophy in March for the first time in six seasons. It’s around the corner from the Ashes, the tiny urn which still has a bit missing from the cork, like it was hacked away by a pirate expecting whiskey instead of dust. Since the Shield slept in my lounge on its trip around Queensland to mark the team’s drought-breaking win in 1995, it’s undergone the sort of renovation expected of a middle-aged divorcee.

The frumpy blue felt was locked away in a cupboard at Cricket Australia’s offices while the organisation had an affair with a milk company and its shiny new trophy. When those cheques stopped arriving the Shield was restored, changing colours and faces with some intricate make-up. It looks familiar but, like a Trinny & Susannah makeover, you go searching for the person underneath the facade. Anyway, it’s great that it’s the first-class domestic reward again and it was bought originally with Lord Sheffield’s money, so it’s a worthy exhibit during an Ashes series.

My favourite piece in the museum is a mystery body part of Denis Compton’s. It was handed in by Compton’s surgeon who thought it was a knee cap. However, the tag below the off-white bone reads: “It’s now thought to be his hip joint removed in his second operation.” I’m glad he’s not my doctor.