I watched the Champions League Twenty20 draw last night. A perfect example of how to take an hour or more to do something that could be over in three minutes. When it’s a football draw, Sepp Blatter somehow makes ping pong balls look exciting, but this was dreary and tacky. At least watching the Da Vinci Code later lifted the pace of my evening.

Poor Steve Waugh had flown in from Australia and his job was to pull a bat from a barrel. Duty performed, he stepped off stage awkwardly without a word. There were plenty of others who spoke, but not one of the modern game’s greats. There were some funny moments, like Lalit Modi referring to the eight states and provinces involved as “clubs”. In Australia the club is where you start out, working for years in the hope you’re good enough for your state. Sledging someone as “just a club cricketer” is usually pretty effective.

It looked like a night when India’s most influential sports administrators were showing off a rock and telling everyone it was a diamond. “This is for the champions of club cricket,” Modi said, “and we hope it is the biggest tournament of all.” Shane Watson confused the Champions Twenty20 with the Indian Premier League, which is understandable considering the number of acronyms in the game at the moment.

At least Watson remained on-message, saying “amazing” a lot. Shoaib Malik, of Pakistan and Sialkot Stallions fame, said it was great to qualify for the competition for the first time – with all the signs and manufactured hype, how could he not know this was the inaugural tournament? – and then told how hard it would be for his team after seven of his men signed with the Indian Cricket League. The rebels must have been pleased.

Matthew Hayden was asked about his cooking and said it was going better than his batting. One joke going round some of the Australian supporters here is that Hayden needs to eat some bad food, then at least he’ll get some runs. The players on the big screens in the Twenty20 had no such problem and Charl Langeveldt won sympathy for his brethren when he said “bowlers were only there to start the game”. At least some people on the night were being realistic.