Kevin Pietersen and MCC have teamed to help this year’s BBC appeal for Children in Need. KP was recently unveiled as the new ‘Brylcreem boy’, in a deal worth nearly £2 million, and it seems he wants to extend his name to an even more worthy pursuit.
Pietersen is auctioning “a money can’t buy prize” that includes coaching in the MCC indoor school at Lord’s, a private tour of the ground and dressing rooms, lunch in the players’ dining room and signed memorabilia.
Let’s just hope Pietersen’s Achilles holds-up well enough to make prize day.
The ‘Pietersen prize’ goes under the hammer on Monday 16th on the ‘Things Money Can't Buy' auction on Terry Wogan's BBC Radio Two show.
As sportsmen increasingly find Twitter an excellent way to land themselves in hot water, England’s Graeme Swann and Jimmy Anderson stayed clear of controversy during a Tweet-Off in London’s Covent Garden at the weekend. The pair invited their followers to assemble in central London with the winner being the one with the biggest following.
Swann, with 22,855 followers against Anderson’s 22,950, lost by a short head.
For those interested in what these stars are up to ahead of the South Africa tour, Swann seems to be watching X Factor (“did anyone else notice Whitney 'crack pipe' Houston was high as a kite on x factor?”) while Anderson ... seems to be doing the same ("Didn't like Michael Buble cover of Cry Me A River on X Factor. Not as good as Justin Timberlake's version"). What thrilling lives they lead.
Another international cricketer has got in trouble over Twitter. Tim Bresnan, the England allrounder, launched into an angry response towards a follower who created an unflattering image of the cricketer and was forced to apologise to team management.
Bresnan, who joins Graeme Swann and James Anderson as England players ‘twittering’, had bantered with his team-mates, but took serious offence to the image posted by someone he didn’t know.
“Don’t mind my mates dishing it out,” he wrote, “but who the *** are you. Crawl out of your basement. U ****.”
Swann, the joker in England’s team, clearly found the whole thing very amusing and was seen pulling at Bresnan’s pants during training. However, England coach Andy Flower said players had a responsibility to behave. "It is pretty simple if you are on a public site like that - you have to behave yourself," he said.
Bresnan isn't the first sportsman – or even cricketer – to get into hot water for using Twitter. During the Ashes, Phil Hughes announced his axing from the third Test over Twitter and although his manager later took the blame, Hughes was reminded about team discipline.
It must be a legspinner thing, but a year after a play about Shane Warne, Sussex have announced a one-man theatrical extravaganza about their 2003 County Championship success called Mushy Ate My Credit Card. No, we are none the wiser either.
Written and performed by Mark Brailsford, this “comical and dramatic new play” will be performed at The County Ground, Hove between October 21 and 31.
The publicity blurb continues: “Sam Smith’s love of watching cricket leads to an extraordinary personal journey as the legends of the 2003 team including Mushtaq Ahmed light the blue and white touch-paper of the most successful decade in Sussex’s history. Sam’s life, wife (and credit score) will never be the same again.”
England spinner Monty Panesar may not be the world’s best fielder - he was called Monty Python for his comical attempts – but he 'll have to keep his flaps and fumbles to a minimum for at least a few moments next month - when he'll be participating in the Queen’s Baton Relay for the 2010 Commonwealth Games launch at Buckingham Palace .
Since the Games will be held in Delhi, the organising committee wanted to give the launch, on October 29, an Indian flavour. "We thought that someone from the UK was needed because the Queen, the head of the Commonwealth is British; we needed a link to India,” said Vic Sethi, Panesar’s former agent and committee member. “I think Monty was perfect because he is one of the first British Sikh sports stars to wear the turban and the full beard.”
What we’d like to know is how he’ll celebrate after passing the baton - an overexcited leap and a high five with Her Majesty?
As if the jeers at Trent Bridge on Thursday weren't enough, further evidence of Andrew Strauss's slide from Test hero to one-day villain was evident in a WH Smith advertisement carried in the national newspapers. Strauss's recently-released book, Testing Times, has already had its recommended retail price slashed in half, less than a month after England reclaimed the Ashes at The Oval. So much for the afterglow.
Michael Vaughan has joined the Test Match Special and will make his first regular appearances during England’s tour of South Africa which starts in November. He has done the occasional summarising stint this summer, but will now be part of the main team.
Vaughan had been widely expected to move into broadcasting, but the television route taken by the likes of Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton looked the likely route. However, he has opted for radio and will be one of the expert summarisers that TMS uses alongside their commentators.
According to Adam Mountford, the TMS producer, Vaughan has already shown a liking for the famous cakes that get delivered to the commentary box. One of the bonuses of not playing any more.
Andrew Flintoff’s new life as a freelance cricketer could begin with a maiden stint in the commentary box during the Champions League Twenty20 tournament that gets underway in India on October 8, when Somerset and Sussex will be representing England’s interests.
Flintoff’s flat Preston vowels are arguably the least exciting aspect of an otherwise charismatic cricketer, but that is of no consequence to ESS, who own the global rights to the tournament and have made an approach, dependant on how it will impact upon his rehabilitation from knee surgery.
Should his knee stand up to the cramped confines of the gantry, Flintoff’s presence would be a coup for British Eurosport, who have won the right to broadcast the competition, in what will be the first free-to-air cricket on British television for four years. “We are delighted to bring world class cricket to British Eurosport with this brand new and eagerly awaited event,” David Kerr, the company’s director, told the Daily Telegraph.
Stuart Broad’s rapid rise from England bowler to national celebrity continues unabated with a polished appearance on the BBC’s Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. Broad gave as good as he got with the uberslick Ross, and took part in a mini cricket challenge with Ricky Gervais, Jamie Oliver and Mika.
During the course of the interview, Broad let slip that he slightly overdid it during the post-match celebrations which followed the Oval Test, admitting: "I woke up the next day still in my whites."
While there is no shortage of what some would refer to as seasoned celebrity fans, cricket needs a few more young faces. Step up singer Lily Allen. She travelled to the Netherlands for a concert on Friday and got a coach back overnight to be back for the third day’s play and a spot on Test Match Special where she was the Saturday lunchtime guest.
Among admitting she had a soft spot for Graham Onions, Allen revealed she got into cricket when Andrew Flintoff “had a pee” in the prime minister’s garden after the 2005 series. Her father – actor Keith Allen – is a cricket lover and used to play for pub sides.
So keen was she to keep up with the score in the Netherlands that, finding the tour bus had no long-wave reception, she used one of her tour band’s electricians to rig up a mobile phone to the speaker system and listen via the web.
Allen was invited onto the show when cricket correspondent Jonathan Agnew got in touch with her via Twitter she replied she "couldn't think of anything she would more like to do".
Those within the ECB’s marketing department who dismiss fans that shun new innovations as being too old school will have been shocked to find out she prefers Test cricket to Twenty20 - "It's a polar opposite to what I do … it's so relaxing when my life is so fast" - and also that she is no fan of England’s George Hamilton-teeth white kit.
The widely-reported death of Henry Allingham – who at 113 was the world’s oldest man – sees the passing of the last man alive to have actually seen WG Grace bat. In 1903, aged seven, he went to The Oval to see Surrey play London County. "I saw WG Grace bat, you could always tell who he was by his long beard,” Allingham recalled in 2006 on his next visit to the ground, 103 years after he had last been there. “He scored quite a lot that day but I can't remember how many.”
There was a minute’s silence before the start of play on the third day of the Lord’s Test for Allingham, who was one of the last surviving World War One servicemen.
It’s a sure-fire certainty that Andrew Flintoff is set to absolutely rake it in as he steps away from Test cricket to concentrate on one-dayers. He remains arguably England’s most marketable cricketer, one of those few cricketers whose name and face is familiar even to those not so enamoured with cricket.
His lowest, wettest moment as a cricketer – pedalo-gate in 2007 - is set to earn him and his charity a bucket load of cash, too, in a new advert for men’s deodorant. Flintoff will appear in a viral advert seen pedalling through rivers and canals after a bunch of Australians try to sabotage his transport in getting to an Ashes Test, by swapping his car with a pedalo.
The pedalo will be auctioned on eBay, the proceeds going to support Flintoff’s charity, the AF Foundation, and the video can be seen at The Guardian.
A victory for common sense after a Surrey homeowner/killjoy (delete as applicable) had his initial attempt to get an injunction to ban his local club from playing were kicked out by the court. Shamley Green CC has been playing on the ground since 1840 but Mike Burgess has taken objection to its activities since he moved in, all of four years ago.
Burgess, who clearly knew he was moving into a house next to a cricket green, claimed that he was acting in the interests of health and safety and moaned the villagers treated cricket “like a religion”. He also suggested a “six and out” rule for matches on the green.
In a clear big to further ingratiate himself with his neighbours, Burgess said he would continue with his legal action despite warnings from the judge that he faces considerable costs. “It’s only just begun” he insisted. “It will highlight to the country that our democratic rights are going to the wayside. I think it is outrageous when cricketers have got a right over everybody else. Shamley Green has played cricket for 169 years, but there have been rapes and pillages for longer than that and it is still not right.”
There are 15ft-high nets protecting Burgess’ house but he wants these raised to 25ft. He also insists that as the ground is bordered by roads, there was a danger to passing motorists and walkers. However, many neighbouring villages are equally close to roads – Bramley, Shalford and Cranleigh to name three – and there are no issues with those.
Steve Smith, the captain of Llandudno in Wales, has been banned for life and three other players suspended after insults against a rival side were posted on the club’s Facebook site.
The action was agreed at a meeting of the North Wales Cricket League's management committee. The committee said it had to take "immediate action to protect the reputation of the league and its members".
In India they’re worried about cheap and heavy bats affecting children’s cricket skills, but over in the UK its soft balls. That’s right, soft balls which, according to Conservative MP Tony Baldry, are jeopardising the future of the English game.
“The concern I was raising with ministers in the House of Commons was that a tiny number of cricket matches in schools – about 4% - are played with real cricket balls,” Baldry said. “If we’re going to enhance youngsters coming through secondary schools into club cricket, we have to let them play cricket with cricket balls. They’re playing with soft balls. A cricket ball has a seam, and if you’re a bowler, a batsman or a fielder you need to know how a cricket ball feels. "
His comments were disputed by former professional Wasim Khan, who works for the ECB’s Chance To Shine. He argued the type of ball did not matter. "If you look at India and Pakistan, for example, within schools they play tape ball cricket, which is just a tennis balls wrapped in tape and talent seems to come through there.”
Given the amount of time birds spend lounging on the outfields of the world’s cricket grounds, it’s a surprise that more don’t get killed by flying balls or speedy fielders.
A few do prove too slow to take evasive action - one, a sparrow killed in flight at Lord’s in 1936, was stuffed and is on display in the museum there. Only last season a pigeon was culled by a Matt Nicholson late cut while dozing down at third man at The Oval.
But few have been as unlucky as the bird splattered while flying across the pitch at Headingley during last weekend’s Twenty20 Roses match. One moment it was contemplating the next statue to perch on, the next it was brought down by a deadly-accurate throw from Jacques Rudolph. Its final ignominy came when it was picked up by Rudolph and dumped on the boundary edge, awaiting collection by the cleaning staff, or the local fox.
The bird may be gone but not forgotten. Its last moments live on thanks to YouTube.
For young cricketers the chance to be asked to bowl in the nets at an international team is a dream come true, but for Reece Topley his encounter with Kevin Pietersen had a nasty end.
During England’s net session at Loughborough a straight drive from Pietersen hit Reece on the ear and left him needing stitches.
Now, if the surname rings a bell you’d be right. Reece’s father is Don Topley, the former Essex cricketer, who became famous when he almost took a brilliant catch while on as substitute against West Indies at Lord’s in 1984 but put his foot on the boundary. He later claimed to know of matches that had been fixed but nothing was proved.
And he showed his caring side when asked about his son’s mishap. “I did suggest to Reece that he might have dropped a catch – to which he replied he had stopped it going for six.”
Pietersen was concerned about Reece’s injury and has left him an autographed bat to collect on his return.
Marston’s Pedigree, the official beer of the England cricket team, have teamed up with Britain’s favourite bitter-sweet breakfast spread, Marmite. Out goes the traditional black jar with a yellow lid; in comes a dark-red colour resembling, to our minds at least, a cricket ball.
The “salty spread”, as the Daily Telegraph reported with outstanding elegant variation, have previously produced limited edition versions including one flavoured with champagne, and a Guinness version in 2007.
Who, though, could possibly comment on such a radical change for Britons’ favourite sticky yeast product? Who other than Dickie Bird? "Cricket is like Marmite, entirely eccentric; wholly British and something the rest of the world will never truly understand," he said.
No word on whether Vegemite, the limp Australian alternative to Marmite, has followed suit in a face-off between the two kings of spreads.
It seems that England’s secret weapon against the Australians this summer won’t be the super substitutes of the Duncan Fletcher era. This time they will be relying on … sunglasses.
Before the inevitable jibes about the sun never shining in England, there’s a mini heatwave on at the moment (OK, it’s still chilly for most visitors but the British have low heat tolerance) and the forecasters are predicting a hot summer. And scientists have found that the right type of sunglasses could improve catching ability by up to 28%.
Most sunglasses worn by cricketers are too dark, so some clearly underutilised boffins decided after months of painstaking research carried out in bars next to cricket grounds the length and breadth of the land. As a result, players have been told how to optimise their vision by wearing the right coloured lenses for the conditions from a selection of yellow, red, gold, silver and orange.
Alarmingly, the researchers said that one of the people asked to test the sunglasses to assess the impact they made was … er … Monty Panesar. “We wanted to see what improvement they made to their performance and were put through their paces by fielding machines under a range of different lighting conditions,” said an aforementioned boffin.
It seems that the ECB is so taken with the research that it has even experimented with tinted contact lenses, but the idea was dropped after some players expressed unease.
The petty bureaucracy that still blights English cricket reared its ugly head again last month when Ryan Sidebottom’s comeback attempts were blocked by red tape. Recovering from a long-term injury, Sidebottom tried to test his fitness with an outing for Nottinghamshire Premier League side Plumtree, only to be turned down by league officials on the grounds that his appearance would infringe their rules governing player registration.
“I wasn’t ready for a Championship match but I was desperate for a game,” Sidebottom told the Mail on Sunday. “I did find it a bit strange that I couldn’t get a game in my own county.”
He eventually did find someone willing to allow an England international to take to the field and he played for Leek in the North Staffordshire and South Cheshire League. He said he would do so again “given the chance”.
Back down in Surrey, it took endless debates to persuade the people running the Surrey Championship that a teenager good enough to play for his country, a resident for six years and still qualified for Surrey and England, was eligible to play in their league.
At the start of the English season, Lawrence Booth wrote on Cricinfo about the country-wide culling of cricket writers. The sports desk of the Daily Telegraph was among those to trim back, but satirical magazine Private Eye reports on how it has tried to disguise the fact.
The more alert of its readers would have noticed a new batch of writers treading the county circuit of late The only thing, Private Eye claims, is that many of them don’t seem to exist.
For a number of years the bylines of Nelson Clare and Austin Peters have appeared regularly to cover for occasions when the paper had nobody covering overseas series (on one occasion bemused readers noted Peters covered matches in Sydney and Colombo on the same day). However, this time it’s closer to home.
“It’s a glorious wheeze,” the Eye claims, “take some agency copy, stick a fake name on the top, and hey presto, a cricket page which costs almost nothing.”
It might not have come to light had the same bylines been used to cover reports on sporting events hundreds of miles apart on the same day. For example, one reporter was apparently covering Somerset at Taunton and also reporting on the World Snooker Championship at Sheffield.
England's World Twenty20 campaign is only a month away, but was it really the wisest decision by ICC's advertisers to depict gorillas playing the game?
Cricket clubs are used to not being able to honour fixtures because of the weather or player shortages, but Roborough Cricket Club in Devon have a more long-term issue after a group of so-called travellers set up camp on the outfield earlier this week and let their children loose on the square.
“They've been riding across the wicket,” said club treasurer Mike Gaylard. “We're going to inspect it on Monday morning and carry out any necessary repairs. We're hoping we'll be able to play in the afternoon. They just think they've got a God given right to be there.”
“We're just passing through; it's our way of life,” one of the travellers countered. “It's the only way you know when you've been brought up with it.”
The police washed their hands of the situation and the local council, who own the ground, said that they could “only move as fast as the law allows”.
Just how far the ECB is prepared to bend over to earn an extra buck - and it would probably win many limbo competitions – might be gauged by its reaction to ESPN-Star’s reported multi-million dollar bid for rights to cover the planned new domestic Twenty20 tournament, due to launch in 2010.
The Daily Telegraph claims that it is a condition of ESPN-Star's bid that every team taking part in any televised match must contain an Indian player. This will leave the ECB between a rock and a hard place. In the past it has tended to follow the dollar and risk public opprobrium, as evidenced by its decision to take live English cricket completely off terrestrial TV and place it in the hands of BSkyB.
But if it does accede to ESPN-Star's demands, then it raises the prospects of all future bids being accompanied by similar demands. Where does that end? Could we see BSkyB have a place on England’s panel of selectors, or picking overseas players for counties?
Spectators are going to be allowed to wear fancy dress at Lord’s for the first time ever during the World Twenty20 in June and some of the MCC members are not happy about it. Lord’s will relax its strict regulations on attire, in effect since the 18th century, and will join other fancy-dress friendly venues such as the Oval, Trent Bridge and Taunton.
“The Aussie guys can come with yellow wigs, the South Africans can come dressed all in green,” Steve Elworthy, the tournament director, told the Times. “We want to encourage that and we want people to have fun. If they come in a costume, that will be allowed.”
The move is aimed at attracting a younger audience and some of the old timers are bristling. “It's bloody ridiculous,” said Len Osborn, 83 and a member of MCC for more than 30 years. “They will lower the tone of the place.” He need not worry though, for once the World Twenty20 is over, Lord’s will once again not permit pirates, super heroes and fairy-tale characters through its gates.
Giles Clarke, the ECB chairman, has been subjected to further embarrassment after an email intended for him from Nigel Hilliard, the Essex chairman, was instead sent straight to the inbox of his most outspoken opponent, Leicestershire's Neil Davidson. The subject of the email? Advice on how to deal with Davidson's threat of legal action after Clarke's particularly forthright opinions in the media.
Speaking to the The Independent, Clarke variously described Davidson and his fellow critic, Rod Bransgrove of Hampshire, as “two men with a megaphone”, “flawed individuals” and “useless people who couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery.”
Davidson, in an email response that has been circulated around the counties, wrote: “The statements which you have made about me are offensive and totally without foundation. I am considering the best way to proceed given that what you said about me is clearly actionable and totally unbecoming of the chairman of the ECB.”
The situation was then compounded when Clarke, seeking advice on how to proceed, contacted Hilliard, who inadvertently sent his reply straight to Davidson.
Hilliard wrote: “Suggest you reply that you will bring the matter to the next ECB Board meeting. We might then slap your wrist and tell you carry on the good work. At the same time we might also suggest Davidson and Bransgrove keep quiet and let the chairman, who has just been elected by a landslide, get on with the job.”
Speaking to Cricinfo, Davidson confirmed the farcical chain of events. “I can certainly confirm that Hilliard sent an email to me that he thought he’d sent to Clarke,” he said. “I actually get on pretty well with Nigel, and he rang me to say: ‘Err, you shouldn’t have seen that.’”
“Nevertheless, the email is indicative of the closed-shop mentality that is surrounding Giles and keeping him in power,” said Davidson. “Looking at the polls run in the national newspapers at the height of the Stanford debacle, 85% said that Giles should go. It is very straightforward, the majority of county chairmen are not in touch with public opinion, and as the custodians of the national game, I think that is unsustainable.”
On the original content of Clarke’s interview, Davidson said: “I am advised that his comments are actionable, although I’m not sure that’s a course of action I want to take. But it also depends on Giles Clarke’s reaction. I didn’t put my email to Clarke in the public domain, I don’t know who has. I was dealing with this behind closed doors.”
Attendances for county games may continue to be low, but there’s no denying that there are still some die-hard fans. One of them, Keith Howard, has donated ₤300,000 (about US$427,000) to Yorkshire, the county with the most success in the Championship, towards building a museum to showcase the club’s 146-year history.
The museum will be in the East Stand at Headingley, and work is due to start next summer. Design firm Mather & Co, who have helped with museums of some of England’s biggest sporting institutions including Wimbledon, Manchester United and Arsenal football club, have been appointed to oversee the project.
The museum is to have interactive displays detailing the club’s history, a theatre, and will also house the club’s archives. Perhaps it will help us learn how a non-Yorkshireman like Lord Hawke overcame the county’s almost-fanatical refusal to field any player born outside Yorkshire to become its captain for 28 years.
The idea of owning your own cricket club might not cost you as much as the many millions of dollars paid for IPL franchises. For a mere £20 million or so, you can buy not only a quintessentially English village club but the entire village as well.
Linkenholt, near Andover in Hampshire, is going under the hammer later this week, and included in the sale are 22 cottages, a shop, a commercial shoot as well as almost 2000 acres of land.
The cricket pitch and pavilion, which doubles as the village hall, is one of the main attractions and is described as being “set in an idyllic ground in the north Hampshire downs, the club combines beautiful countryside with good, competitive cricket”.
Politics can be tiresome business. Dealing with the first Iraq war, a weak pound, a strong United States – minus the USSR – could drive the best of us to check in to the closest spa at the end of each day. But during his stint at 10 Downing Street former England prime minister John Major calmed his nerves by writing poetry. And now one of those poems, on England batsman Colin Cowdrey, is going under the hammer. A total of 307 – Cowdrey’s highest score - signed copies of Lord Colin Cowdrey - A Cricketing Gentleman will be sold for charity.
Major, who loves the game and was the former president of the Surrey County Cricket Club, said he had jotted down poems throughout his seven-year stint at Downing Street. "They were about cricket subjects and about politics and about characters,” Major was quoted as saying in the Telegraph. “With some of my political poems it is probably best they are never seen in public! But in the case of Colin I am pleased to share it. We were very close friends and used to get together for whiskies almost on a weekly basis." A total of 307 copies are being auctioned because the figure was Cowdrey’s highest total. The poem is reproduced below:
The mellow sound of bat on ball
The wherewithal to enthral
On feather bed or fiery track
Talent far above the pack
All on display at a glance
As Colin Cowdrey took his stance.
His style was gentle, full of grace
Delicate as Flemish lace
When a troubling ball came down
Fair caressed it all around
Some were hit, a few let pass
In Cowdrey's cricketing master-class.
With speed or spin, sharp eyes could see
The blade of grass where the ball would be
And to follow - swift and sure
A stroke to excite the connoisseur
Such memories still linger on
So long after the day has gone.
Firm wrists to coax the ball away
To all parts of close of play
A push for one, sometimes a pair
Three for a cut to backward of square
And - hear the full-throated roar -
A dazzling cover drive for four.
Now, he out; no more shall we see
That brand of Cowdrey Mastery
A style so easy, so unhurried
So very English, so unflurried
The master with a Corinthian touch
To Whom victory matter - but not that much.
Has the first potshot of the Ashes been fired? News just in: Cricket could have been imported in to England from northern Europe. This could be a bigger blow to England’s campaign than the chance of Andrew Flintoff missing the entire series. If a researcher from the Australian National University’s department of English and theatre is to be believed, a poem written in 1553, attributed to John Skelton, refers to Flemish weavers, who settled in southern and eastern England in the 14th century, as “kings of crekettes”.
Paul Campbell discovered the reference in the poem ‘The Image of Ipocrisie’ while searching for variations of the ways in which the word cricket was spelt back then. He was aided by German academic Dr Heiner Gillmeister, who first established that ‘cricket’ had its linguistic origins in Flemish. “It could be the earliest known reference to the game which we know as cricket,” Gillmeister was quoted as saying in the Sunday Telegraph. "Of course there is something quite ironic about a German and an Australian making discoveries about what is considered to be such an English game, and in reality that game being a foreign import."
The lines of the poem believed to lend solid proof to the import theory are:
"O lorde of Ipocrites/Nowe shut vpp your wickettes/And clape to your clickettes!/A! Farewell, kings of crekettes!"
Yorkshire-Derbyshire might not rank as one of cricket’s greatest rivalries, but there is clearly someone at the Sheffield Star (motto “Serving South Yorkshire”) with a chip on their shoulder and no end of cross-border bitterness.
A somewhat innocuous story about Derbyshire hosting back-to-back Twenty20 matches was enlivened by the description of the hosts in the headline as “Derbyshite”. It is unclear whether this is editorial policy but clearly the chief sub shared his colleague's view.
Ashes tickets are likely to be rarer than hen's teeth this summer, but there is one way Britons (and probably Australians too) can watch the Ashes without parting with any notes: by becoming a ground steward at Lord's. Not only do you get the Ashes, but the ICC World Twenty20 too. Admittedly, the role does include the less than savoury prospect of coping with thousands of drunk English fans (and probably Australians too), but the upside is surely too sweet.
Lord's has already received 1200 formal applications, "more than the total we received for the entire season in 2008" which comes as no surprise. And they're open to more, too. "There are a variety of stewarding roles within the ground such as the media centre, members and friends enclosures, turnstile operators, scorecard sellers and of course, the famous pavilion.
"Despite the record number of applications we'd always welcome more."
Requirements are pleasantly slim: "Interested applicants must be physically fit and over the age of 18." Don't all rush at once (a phrase you will learn at the training day)
Playing at Lord's is the dream of many, but the privilege of a few. However, a new breakthrough could perhaps help you create the feel of "the home of cricket" in your own backyard. Or even splash it on yourself before your next club match.
Perfumers at Procter & Gamble have captured the essence of Lord's, according to the New Scientist. A technology called headspace analysis was used to take in the odours of freshly cut grass, cricket bats, laundered cricket kit and the players' changing room (minus the players, thankfully), and these will be used as the starting point for a fragrance. "Perfumers need inspiration, and this can come from people that surround them, places they've visited, or things that they love in the world," said Will Andrews of P&G.
We're not sure when Lord's will be available in a bottle, but keep those nostrils open. Parfum de la Lord's?
Cricket rarely inspires Britain’s football-obsessed politicians - you only have to remember Tony Blair's embarrassing display opening the World Cup in 1999 to prove that. But in a breaking of ranks, Ed Balls, the schools secretary, waxed lyrical about the game’s ability to cure many of the nation’s education defects.
He said that cricket helps develop skills such as managing statistics and working out sums under pressure, could boost children's grasp of science, and help their maths skills. It is also an aid to history when studying the Commonwealth.
“Cricket is part of our national identity," Balls said. "Not only does it have obvious health benefits for young people, it also develops them in other ways – co-ordination, balance, team work, tactics, and remaining calm under pressure.
“Cricket is one of the most popular school sports and I'm convinced it can have benefits across the curriculum too. Cricket is often called an art and a science. It's time for schools to demonstrate that.”
However, words are one thing, actions another. Last month, the amount of central funding to cricket from Sport England was cut by a third.
With the possible exception of Lee Germon, most former cricket captains can slip on their suede moccasins and slump back into the garishly extravagant armchair of retirement, with little concern about their bank balance. Michael Vaughan, an Ashes-winning captain and a Yorkshireman to boot, is one such individual whose success ought to prevent him scouring the bargain bin for cheap-but-serviceable Primark underwear.
Or has it? In an interview with the Daily Telegraph Vaughan revealed that although he clearly raked it in as England captain, he is by no means extravagant with his money. “What’s been your best buy?” posed the interviewer. “The other day I bought a pair of shoes from Marks and Spencer for £1,” Vaughan said. “You can't beat that.”
Middlesex’s decision to ditch their existing nickname – the Crusaders – in favour of a more paletable Panthers has not gone down well in certain quarters, mainly because Vinny Codrington, Middlesex’s CEO, let slip that one of the reasons was that a he had had objections from a handful of Muslim and Jewish people to the Crusaders connotation. The political-correctness-gone-mad lobby were out in force, and the county were forced into a rushed statement which hinted that they had been caught on the hop.
No explanation was given as to why Panthers had been chosen. Usually the nickname had some link to the county, however tenuous, but few Middlesex residents can recall ever seeing panthers roaming the streets of Edgware. It is possible that some marketing wag has decided that the pink kit sported by the county in one-day matches ties in with the Pink Panther films and will appeal to sponsors.
And another name change might be on the cards if Codrington is bombarded with complaints that associating a graceful and powerful big cat with an underperforming county side amounts to animal cruelty.
Two teams from England are planning to play the world’s highest game of Twenty20 on a plateau halfway up Mount Everest. Expedition leader Richard Kirtley dreamed up the idea two years ago during a trip to the region. He saw the Gorak Shep plateau, which is 5165 metres above sea level, and instantly thought it resembled The Oval.
“I wasn't confident that I'd find enough people nuts enough to try it, but in the end I got over 100 applications,” he said. “I'm proud of the tradition of British eccentricity. The most important thing for me was that it wasn't just going to be a bunch of blokes going up there for a bit of a knock-around.”
Cuts across the editorial departments of most of the UK’s national newspapers have been well documented, with the Daily Telegraph being among the leaders, cutting back many established journalists while hiring past and present players to plug the gaps.
In October the paper announced that Michael Vaughan had joined their ranks. "He will be a real asset to our cricket coverage," gushed Mark Skipworth, the executive sport editor. “His experience of captaining the England cricket team and being one of the best batsmen in the world puts him in a remarkably strong position to comment on cricket.”
In December Private Eye noted that Vaughan had produced only one article – on golf – but it seemed that the departure of his successor, Kevin Pietersen, would allow him to spill all and offer a unique insight into captaincy alongside also-sacked coach Peter Moores. Vaughan had, after all, worked with Moores for the majority of his time as coach.
Remarkably, Vaughan, has remained silent on the matter, raising the question that if this is not something he feels able to comment on, what on earth is.
However late it is, and however many post-match beers you might have had, it might be best to avoid popping into the Mandarin House in Knighton, Wales where the owner showed his love for the game by using a rat-gnawed cricket bat to stir a pan of curry. That, and the presence of rats in the kitchen itself, led to owner Chun-Hung Cheun being fined £2000 by Brecon magistrates.
Satirical magazine Private Eye notes the angry response of Ian Botham to the sacking of Kevin Pietersen as England captain, with the standard attacks on “buffoons in blazers” and “chinless wonders who rule Lord's”.
“They knew he wasn't going to be a yes man, no man, three-bagsful man,” Botham wrote in the Mirror. “They knew he was single-minded, they knew he wanted to do the job his way … I thought he was showing a lot of promise as captain, and even though England lost in Chennai, he deserved a lot of credit both for leading the team back to India after the Mumbai massacre.”
Private Eye then points out Botham fails to mention that he is chairman of the sports agency that manages Pietersen. “In the previous three years in which he has opined [on Pietersen] he has never seen fit to mention this conflict of interests,” the article concludes.
Monty Panesar is forever talking about the right areas - well, while on holiday in South Africa after England's tour of India he found himself in the wrong area.
Walking near the Wanderers ground in Johannesburg he was stopped by two 'police officers' who claimed they were searching for drugs. The men asked for Panesar's mobile phone, and the ever-obliging left-arm spinner handed it over after being told he would get it back at the top of the hill. Lo and behold his phone was never returned.
"They took our mobile phones and stuff and said they were would meet us at the top of the hill," he told the Guardian. "They didn't appear in view. We weren't surprised. It wasn't particularly terrifying. We didn't get roughed up or anything."
The Buzz brings slices of cricket life ranging from the curious to the obscure; from off-beat to bizarre. Edited by Will Luke, Brydon Coverdale and Jamie Alter
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