First and foremost, may I offer my heartfelt if somewhat belated congratulations. In graduating from the Lord’s Management Training Centre to be “elected” as the next president of our beloved game’s occasionally respected and ritualistically derided governing body, you have demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Welsh takeover of cricket knows few bounds.
I’m sure you had your sights trained on the top job in rugby union (and may well still do so), but as consolation prizes go, this is preferable, surely, to a wooden spoon. Not least when it involves taking charge, albeit in mostly name only, of a business whose latest “consolidated financial statement” (accounts to you and me, squire) reveals a net surplus that has inched up, year-on-year, by the small matter of 700% ($4.98m to $39.45m).
Of course, I realise that there is only so much that is within your power – and, if you’ll accept a bit of advice, squabbling with Indians is less than heartily recommended as a means of enhancing said power. And then there’s all those advisory committees populated by meddling do-gooder ex-players instead of honest-to-goodness businessmen-turned-administrators like your good self. Listen to them with half an ear, yes, but remember that, while they have nothing to lose, you and the other members of the Ooby-Dubai-Do branch of the Frank Sinatra Appreciation Society have pensions, profit-sharing clauses and vested interests to protect.
The last thing I would want to do is to add to your burden, David/Dai, but remember, it will be on your watch, in 2009, that the ICC celebrates its centenary. Given that the first 98-and-a-half years have not exactly been marked by uninterrupted brotherly love, you’ll have your work cut out changing public perceptions, but I’ve got confidence in you.
You could do worse than launch your reign with a spot of pomp, circumstance and Shirley Bassey singing “Hey Big Spender” – patriotic AND multi-racial. Or even splash out and get Abba back on stage doing “Money, Money, Money”. That would certainly demonstrate your commitment to being on-message. That said, by way of balancing the books, you might deem it appropriate to bring on Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder for a rendition of “Ebony and Ivory”. I’d suggest a blast of “War – What Is It Good For?”, but Edwin Starr, sadly, is no longer with us. And besides, Steve or Mark might take offence.
I do have one fairly major concern. Unless what I read in the papers is woefully wide of the mark, it seems you have not, as yet, mapped out anything that could be described as a strategic masterplan. Or even, for that matter, an unstrategic so-so plan. If that is indeed the case, may I humbly offer some pointers on behalf of your most passionate constituents? Or, to make things simpler, a wish list. Just to make your life that wee bit easier, don’t feel obliged to make all five come true: three or four will suffice.
1) Insist – and if that means stamping your foot and singing Sospan Fach, be my guest - that Zimbabwe should play no further part in officially-sanctioned events until that bounder Mugabe has vacated the crease;
2) Tackle the burnout beast and sort out the slackers by tearing up the current Future Tours Programme and replacing it with a fixed annual requirement. We can’t have some sides playing two Tests a year and another 16. How are Bangladesh going to improve? How are we going to persuade anybody under the age of 15 that it might be worth trying to bowl fast for a living? Impose a minimum of eight and a maximum of 12 Tests, 15-20 ODIs and as many Twenty20s as you can pack into either a week or a sardine can;
3) Renegotiate the current TV deal, ensuring:
a) An annual Twenty20 World Cup replaces the Champions Trophy, the latter to be ceremonially cremated at the earliest possible opportunity and the ashes sent to Siberia;
b) Highlights programmes last a minimum of one hour (excluding any Mark Nicholas extemporising);
c) Richie Benaud, or a deft impersonator of same, commentates on every match (for exception, see d);
d) Ian Chappell and Ian Botham do three-hour shifts during every Ashes series, refereed by Bob Willis and David Boon;
e) The banning of expressions such as “crackerjack shot”, “My word!” or any other exultations that ought only to ever issue forth from the mouths of chaps named Jeeves or Bertie;
4) Change the voting system – the longer a nation has been a full ICC member, and hence the more deep-rooted its sense of invincibility, entitlement and moral rectitude, the less say it should have. Give Bangladesh four votes, Pakistan three, New Zealand, West Indies and India two, England, Australia and South Africa one, and Sri Lanka three and a half – on condition the Muppets retire forthwith, gracefully or otherwise. And give Nepal the veto;
5) Legalise ball-tampering for the last 15 overs before the new ball is due. Introduce legislation, however, decreeing that, before the start of every session, each member of the fielding side is subjected to a strip-search for metallic objects, creams, liquids and jellybabies, followed by a nail-filing session from a qualified pedicurist. An independent and/or neutral one, ideally.
Absolutely delightful piece of writing... keep it up...
Posted by: Dr. Winston.Mendis on 11/22/2007
Regarding Umpire decisions: When the TV umpire finds a decision given by the on-field umpire is wrong to request the on-field umpire to change the decision or the on-field umpires to reffers doubtful decisions to TV umpire in Tests as well as all other International matches.
Or else like in Rugby go to High Tech monitored decisions in all aspect and instructing the on-field umpires to convey that decision.
Posted by: peebs on 11/22/2007
If you wrote this letter to sharad pawar you would need a trilogy of blogs. Since it is often mentioned and insisted upon us that cricket is a buisiness, why not remove the voting system? We do not see bill gates calling a vote before he brings out the next version of Windows ( Windows Alcatraz -runs on diesel). Finally, I am from India and I enjoy the champions trophy, just like some people enjoyed the recent SA-NZ test match classics.
Posted by: Hari on 11/23/2007
We should do away with these ODI's. Even the Pakistan India series was boring. Play 20-20 for ODI's. At least it will last only three hours. May be an ODI tournament with 3-4-5 teams once in 6 months...nothing more!!! And can David Morgan actually influence the price of the tickets?
Posted by: Peter Harling on 11/23/2007
How many times was Andrew Strauss rudikoerzened during the 2007 Ashes series
Posted by: Nick on 11/23/2007
Very well done, especially about the burnout issue. Lest you wish to have two ODI squads, one for midweek games and the other for the more lucrative weekend matches.
Posted by: Jamie Dowling on 11/23/2007
I'm enjoying this! May I continue in this vein? Imagine this is being said with a Welsh accent...
Dai bach,
Well done on making the move from Cardiff to Dubai. Hope it isn't too warm there for your little Welsh body. I've got a few things on my mind that I'd like to share with you.
The ICC has been ridiculed so much over the last year it's probably the laughing stock of the world sports governing bodies. You've got one heck of a job restoring credibility to the ICC. Maybe these suggestions might help:
Move the ICC from Dubai to a mobile HQ. Dubai is in a little world of its own, as are the people who live and work there. Get this mobile office unit moved to the place the president is from. Cardiff has become a fantastic city what with the Millennium stadium, the bay, Torchwood and all that. And it's real life boyo. Something the ICC is missing massive like.
Let's have some transparency about who decides how umpires are dealt with. Rudi Koertzen's had a really rough year; Steve Bucknor is not what he was; Daryl Harper has been his usual consistent self - awful; and Steve Davis (the Australian who had awful one day games in the CB series) made basic errors my local club umpires don't. Yet Peter Willey isn't on the panel and Darrell Hair got shafted.
Sorry Dai bach, you had to see that coming somewhere. Part of the reason the ICC's seen as being so poor is the way Darrell was treated. Complete lack of leadership there. Let's do with umpires what the IRB did to their referees - mike them up so we can hear what goes on between players and umpires.
Do you know what the ICC logo stands for Dai bach? It stands for overpriced tickets, rip off merchandise, control freak searches and controlling what paying punters can bring into the game to eat and drink. Please don't be trying that line about how successful the Twenty20 world championship was: that was a Cricket South Africa organised event and it showed by how good and successful it was. ICC's world cup was a failure in many respects. Please acknowledge that and show that someone in the ICC has got a semblance of brains.
Talking of negative things, please can someone in the ICC put Bob Willis out of his misery? I'd rather watch reality television than his commentary! Have him stuffed, mounted and put on display at Headingley or Edgbaston if you must but please keep him off the highlights.
Please institute and enforce a worldwide drugs ban which all cricket boards must adhere to, no exceptions, no wriggling and squirming to get out of, 100% liability applying to all cricketers, 4 year bans the minimum mandatory.
Passion. You know what that means and what it is Dai bach. Land Of My Fathers at the rugby, crunching tackles, Bread Of Heaven coming from the crowds, love, fire and commitment. How can cricketers be as fired up and passionate about playing when they are expected to play so many tests and one day games a year? When are you most passionate Dai bach? When you're shagged out or when you've had time and space to prepare physically and mentally?
There's no obvious passion in the ICC for the game of cricket. There's passion for making money but the people at the top lack character, presence and passion.
You might not want to sing Men Of Harlech while you're in post Dai bach. I can understand that. But I will bare my ar5e in Woolworths' window while singing Sospan Fach if you do the decent thing and kick Zimbabwe out of all international cricket until that reprehensible bigot Mugabe has gone and been replaced with a democratically elected government and the current mafia mob in charge of ZC has been removed and replaced with people of class and credibility.
My letter to the manager of the local Woolworths is waiting, Dai bach.
Posted by: chetan on 11/23/2007
To eliminate cheating under the guise of being professional, eliminate the 3rd umpire with a rider - the beneficiary of a "human error" should be red-carded out of the rest of the current game and also - selected & suspended in the next international encounter between the same 2 sides.
i.e. if a batsman nicks the ball & waits for an umpire to give him not out, he should be allowed to play one more ball & then, sent back "Cheated Out", not allowed to take any further part in the game & also for allowing him to cheat, his team should be required to play 1-short in the next match. Same way, if a bowler appeals for LBW on a ball clearly missing the stumps OR off an inside edge, the batsman would be required to walk when an umpire raises his finger, but the bowler should be sent back as well for cheating & his team penalised one-short for the next Intl encounter between the same 2 sides.
In the event of a side looking for more than 2 benefits of "human error" from umpires, one of more player of the beneficiary side, selected by the opposition should be added to the list of suspendees.
Also - if match referees are found to be violating past ICC judgements when penalising / sanctioning violations of code of conduct, the penalty on the player should be implemented & match referee should be publicly penalised on a charge of "Gross Negligence of Duty". Racial Discrimination against Match referees & their supervisor should be considered seriously in the event that dual standards are applied by match referees consistently in a way that favours "select teams" & hits out at "select teams".
Posted by: Jamie on 11/23/2007
Stupid... Who will write such a stupid article!
Did you read after writing this
Posted by: nangaswaami on 11/23/2007
well i think very well done mate,that was excellent in terms a unique topic.As in hindi,we say, *bund bund hai* which means ..THAT IS THAT..dr nangaswaami..
Posted by: Rohit on 11/23/2007
I actually favour scrapping ODI's for more test cricket. The last two days of the India-Pakistan test match were enthralling , so was most of the India England series.Compare that with the tedium of the Ind-Aus and Ind-Pak ODI series . Playing an annual Twenty20 competition instead of the ridiculous champions trophy is a good idea too,at least its over more quickly .The only reason they are playing so many ODI's is because of Dalmiya and his successor Lalit Modi, they have negotiated huge amounts with the Indian TV broadcasters for ODI rights , irrespective of whether the public is genuinely interested in ODI cricket.
Posted by: T on 11/24/2007
Hear hear!
Posted by: Ramya on 11/26/2007
Ado Dr.Mendis - Uba veradi Thena bung -
In English Hey Dr.Mendis you are in the wrong blog - I have sympathy for your patients !!!!
Posted by: chetan on 11/29/2007
Jamie, you obviously thought the stupid article was worth your time reading & commenting on - help us understand what that leaves you as ?
Posted by: andrew Gray on 11/30/2007
Hi,
I am weary of the constant, (mostly warranted), criticisms of the ICC. There are some obvious flaws in the way in which the joint is run, I think that is because there are too many special interest groups.
I applaud the Intercontinental cup - but feel Bangladesh & Zimbabwe should be involved.
I am shocked that Bangladesh only play 2 tests this year. Surely we can have a tiered Test system whereby teams that are B Class play against each other more - with one off test "tours" to class B teams & 2 Tests at home. They can then play the likes of Kenya & other affiliates in unofficial tests. Sort of like the unofficial future tours program - lol.
I think that 20/20 should be aimed at being included in the Olympics & Commonwealth games. For countries like Australia & England - players with central contracts should be excluded. I think that would raise the bar with the affiliates having the possibility of competing in the Olympics to compensate for their amateur status.
I agree with doing away with the ICC Trophy. In its place maybe an international first class 20/20 trophy. We could have games like NSW v Surrey, & Canterbury v Mumbai.
Alternatively the ICC could have like a FA cup style knock out where countries battle it out until a final with the last 2 teams standing. This would run like the Davis cup in Tennis where its played on a home and away basis, played over the course of one or two years. The 20/20 format would provide more scope for upsets - but 50 overs would be fine.
Posted by: lawton on 12/04/2007
Science and Australian scientists have proved that Murali's bowling is legitimate.Only science reveals the truth.I can only feel sorry and sad for those who refuse to acknowledge this fact as they lack basic scientific knowledge.I am sure these miserable souls still believe that the world is flat,the sun rises and sets (when science tells us its stationery)and whilst they are driving or travelling all the objects they see are moving.I am sad for all shallow and vacuous people.
Posted by: bhagyesh on 12/05/2007
international first class 20/20 trophy andrew ??
well its in place n will happen nxt year in nov.
will be fun !!
i agree that a restriction on no. of matches to be played shud be imposed ... that way we get quality cricket !!
also the 2-tier cricket will be great !!
shud be like ny domestic compitetion where there will be two divisions and bottom 2 of a group relegated to second division n 2 frm 2nd division get promoted .. thst will bring a new intrest in test cricket !!
Rob Steen is a sportswriter and senior lecturer in sports journalism at
the University of Brighton whose books include biographies of Desmond
Haynes and David Gower (1995 Cricket Society Literary Award winner) and
500-1 - The Miracle of Headingley '81. His 2004 investigation for The
Wisden Cricketer, Whatever Happened to the Black Cricketer?, won the
EU Journalism Award For diversity, against discrimination. Sports
Journalism - A Multimedia Primer, his latest offering, will be
published by Routledge in August.
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