It's all a little blurry, but I think it went something like this;
I woke up at 8am this morning to the sound of the alarm clock. Nothing unusual there, my girlfriend usually rises for work at this time, leaving me to contemplate leaving the warmth of the bed briefly before succumbing to the lure of slumber. June in Australia is cold, by our standards, and the idea of leaping forth to seize the day seemed at best comical. "Well," I thought. "What would Boony do...?"

My eyes snapped open. Ashes ticket go on sale today! I jumped out of bed, expecting to see water on the boil for tea, but found the house empty.. Crap, what time was it?? I must have fallen back asleep! Running to my computer, I flicked on the monitor to find- double crap - it was 9:20am, tickets went on sale 20 minutes ago!
I tried to stay calm as I loaded the website to buy tickets. "How many people could find time from work to register for the presale, and get here in the first 20 minutes," I wondered. The website failed to load, instead informing me "Due to a major event going on sale, the website is currently experiencing high demand... We apologise for the delay". Rapidly losing my cool, I hit the refresh button. Nothing. The magical talking miniature David Boon on top of my television asked where his thongs were in a a mournful voice. "Tickets first, then thongs, Boony!" I cried, reaching for my phone with one hand, while still refreshing the website with the other. Of course the website would be clogged, thousands of Barmy Army supporters would be trying to log on and purchase tickets through there as well. Surely sanity will prevail over the phone. Engaged tone. Damn it! Redial. Engaged tone. Refresh. Due to a major event going on sale, the website is currently experiencing .. Damn it!

For the next hour and a half, I tried to call and log in to buy tickets, before finally a break through- hold music! Never before in my life had I been so happy to be told I was in queue, a queue that was estimated by the robotic disembodied voice to be at least ten minutes.

When 35 minutes later I got through to an operator, I didn't mind. "She would have been very busy today, try to give the girl a break" I thought.
"Hi can I get 4 tickets for day one of the Ashes please?"
"I'm sorry sir, but our allocation of tickets for the first 4 days has been exhausted."
Silence. How could this be happening?? Where was the justice? How could the reward for my patience be disapontment? My thoughts were broken by Boony asking for nachos.
"Not now Boony!" I replied tersely.
"Sorry sir?" asked the confused operator.
"Nothing, sorry, I was talking to David Boon, not you. Surely there's something you can do for me?"
"Sorry sir, at this stage the only tickets left are restricted for sale to Fanatics only."
Her words rang in my head for a second. The Fanatics are a group of die-hard sporting fans, dedicated to supporting Australian sporting teams with the feverish enthusiasm usually associated with the Barmy Army. According to the Fanatics site "Fanatics officially began in 1997 with an aim to form an organised, passionate & patriotic support group that would follow Australian Sport at home & around the world", which is certainly one way of putting it. Another would be to describe them as the crazy people with the zinc sunscreen fetish.

"Is there anything else I can help you with sir?"
Snapping back to reality, I answered no before quickly hanging up. Turning my attention back to the computer, I searched for the Fanatics website, put on my sunglasses, and entered. After my eyes adjusted to the bright glare of the green & gold, I found the registration area, and joined as fast as my fingers would fly. Maybe there was still time. A confirmation email arrived almost immediately, informing me I was now eligible for any merchandise, tours, and.. Wait.. Tours!!

I refused to get my hopes up as the tour page opened. Surely others would have seen this opportunity as well. Thoughts of travelling 10 hours to Melbourne started to swirl around in my head. Then, through the haze of green & gold, there it was. A lone ticket. Buying it hastily, I looked for a second seat, thinking that even if we were initially seperate, perhaps someone would swap so that I could sit beside the special person in my life.

No such luck, but I didn't lament. While I'd have to smear myself in crusty green warpaint, and possibly have to wear a big yellow wig, I was still going to be there. And while it wasn't going to be day one, day three could hold the pivotal moment in the match as it so often does. And heck, if I was going to be this passionate about sport, I may as well be tarred with same same green zinc brush as the other crazies.

As for that special someone in my life, well I didn't end up finding a ticket for them, but that's ok. Mini-Boony is small enough to sit on my esky.

That was an Old Trafford like finish!

On 2nd thoughts Ken, you could have saved yourself some bother and politely asked Jason Gillespie for his ACB member's ticket that he sure must have collected as a true Aussie supporter before that surprise turn as The Phoenix of Oz last month.

[He might well have flaunted a look to give you Fanatics a run for your money]

What a lovely post. Really gets to the passion that is cricket. But...

As a Brit I cannot understand the Aussie desperation to get a ticket. After all, your defeat is certain. The mighty Freddie and KP are going to whup you so bad. Surely it is better for you to forget your previous dominance of the greatest game and to hide somewhere under the covers. Go remember another Aussie triumph ( um, err, if you can think of one ). And try not to feel too bad about it. Perhaps you could invest in a zimmer frame factory to help your last true hero, old Warnie, onto the pitch. Yes, or else come to London and join your fellows in drawing the perfect pint for the Brits who will be celebrating your defeat.

Yes, guys, we whopped you last time and we are going to do it again. Ha Ha.

( maybe it is time to get into another sport - tiddleiwinks, snake shooting, learning to speak the Queen's English - just trying to be helpful ).

Cheers!

Great post, although I'd be worried about getting put on all sorts of lists.

And as for William Steerforth, you may be right. However, if the English team themselves have your attitude, then the Ashes are only going one way. So my advice to YOU is go remember another Pommie triumph (um,er, if you can think of one. Really, you couldn't even win on the Subcontinent or anything!) Either way, it should be another tight series, and if you can't get tickets, at least you can be sure it'll be televised!

As a Muslim, you are supposed to go to Mecca once in your life; (if you can afford it)I have been to Mecca 4 times, yes sir, for 4 years in a row I made my pilgrimage to the MCG for the Boxing Day Test. The last time I sat behind the sightscreen was '97 and my world changed when Mark Waugh retired but don't get me wrong, I am a Pakistani in spirit though not in Nationaliy, the MCG is Hallowed Ground for obvious reasons..my only regret is that I never ran on to the ground to kiss it while I had the chance.
That first day of the Ashes where Langer Hayden and Ponting all got hit and the English were reduced to 21-5 remains in my memory, branded and labelled, heck I don't even bother to watch one day cricket anymore, it's Test or nothing-India Pak, Eng Aus nothing beats it and I mean baseball,football, NFL, College Football all of which I adore. I don't think I'll be there this X'mas but I will be watching and hoping that Langer has his head taken off( because of Hobart).C'mon Flintoff come on!!

All the talk about ashes being the greatest series of all time has somewhat engulfed just about everything related with cricket since the mega event happened. So much so,that players from the participating sides have even spoken in terms of it being more important than the world cup. While this seems like more of an opinion issue, it still only seems justified with the ICC making a mockery of the showpiece event. As much as i loved watching the ashes i would just want to remind people of the great 2 test match series played between Pakistan and India in 1999, and also the one off Asian test championshiop match in Calcutta. The series in my view ranks right up there with the ashes or any other as it involved some of the most skillfull players of all time at the peak of their very powers in collesium like arenas. To mention a few would be Sachin and Wasim and a young off spinner in saqlain mushtaq who i still believe had the makings of the greatest off spinner of all time. Nevertheless, the series for me went a long way in revitilizing test cricket in the this region atleast if not the whole world.

Good post. After all your hard work to get registered with the fanatics website it seems a shame that most poms are buying tickets in the fanatics area for the boxing day test as that is the only area available! These tickets are getting snapped up without even a registration. It appears there will be a good mix in the area with banter a plenty!