Do I detect some sarcasm ?

Andy, what an amazing way to convey your message! I liked it and if any of the English players happen to read this particular post of yours, it will get them to wake up. If they don't figure it out, well...isn't that what is being said of them anyway?
Good one!

All's well,that the opening botch -up was so well covered-up, but Mr.Zaltzman does'nt seem to have an opinion on the actual match when England botched up, maybe he realises nothing could cover up naked amateurity of the English Performance against the men from Orange & its neighbourhood .....

Disappointing blog today !
Where are the cricket, the satyre and the whimsy ?
I bet your mind what cold / frozen by the rain and low temperature !
Bring on the Ashes !

so your "thoughts on the opening match" are to ignore the match altogether? typical englishman!
this blogpost itself is quite spooky in its serious tone. overall, as damp as the day
Well done Holland! Viva la Orange kits!

hello this is realuy superb fantastic match for t20 cricket game

Er... care to comment on the match Andy? Or did you take the result for granted like the England team? ;o)

Brilliant!!! Truly, truly brilliant....

Andy - You've just taken satire to a different level. The same level that Netherlands took their cricket to.

No comments on the match itself?

Very good. It's a shame you recorded The Bugle before the match, it would have been interesting to hear what state you were in afterwards.

Huh? Hardly funny man!

Now this is more fun than football's world cup, where without the referee's and linesmen's help the South Koreans could never have made it to the SF of 2002. Minnows do not need the help of 3 officials. They can win fair and square. I thought there would be upsets but not in the opening game, well, well and now the Windies have destroyed Australia, too. I have no doubt Holland will beat Pakistan, too, and roll into the latter stages of the WC. As for England, all this worrying about the Ashes will cost them if they lose to Pakistan. How often do we have to be reminded that the Ashes are the highest honour in Cricket? Give it a rest, Collingwood. If you guys don't want to play, don't. Just be a good host and chase the rain away, so that teams like Pakistan and India and SA and NZ can try their very hardest to bring some joy to their countries.

Chuckle. I think you've just about captured the key points of the game there Andy. Good review.

You, sir, are a bastion of propriety. Godspeed.

An excellent analysis, Mr Zaltzman, I think that pretty much sums up everything that could be said about the first match.

I hear you're not doing a show at Edinburgh this year. I hope that's because of the Ashes. That is the only acceptable excuse. Including fatherhood.

Just like a good English supporter, which Andy is, he has completley ignored the result of the match. No comments on match except "with the first game completed, the World Twenty20 is finally underway."

eh what? usually enjoy your columns - Shastri to Shastri I will never forget. (i) was this written by your son? (ii) do I detect a certain snootiness towards twenty20?!

Hmm...could not quite understand what the writer was trying to say. It seems everything he wrote was a sarcasm. Hmm..the English--fot them all that matters is the Ashes. I would love to see them lose badly at that too....of course, what else to expect from such a pathetic team as the English..and such a losers attitude about the game from the supporters.

Ignorance is bliss. Very funny.

No comment - South African

Everywhere amongst English fans in the various 5 stages of grief -
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Andy, is that you ?

this is a disappointingly drab article !!

lol! Andy you're brilliant!

who are you? and what have you done with the real Andy Zaltzman mate?

OK, right, just got the joke ... sorry slow on the uptake....
It is rather funny.
Well done.

Awesome!

If ever there was a way of kicking somebody in the face subtly, this has to be it!

The first time I read it, I was wondering who had written this article. I realized I missed something and read it one more time; I couldn't help but smile.:) I never thought you could write like this! And lots of people commenting seems to have missed the point altogether. Well done.

I love Andy usually; i honestly do, but think that this is some sort of twisted experiment by Cricinfo where they serve up utter dross under the name of Andy and see how many still comment about the "brilliant" article which lower mortals "didn't get". Dude, this time, the emperor is wearing no clothes, and guess what, people noticed

This is how the field of literature critique started I suppose! A bland article or a masterful example of irony; the reader decides and bestows meaning and pertinence as he/she sees fit!

This is how the field of literature critique started I suppose! A bland article or a masterful example of irony; the reader decides and bestows meaning and pertinence as he/she sees fit!

NOT FUNNY

Amazing!! Thats creativity at its best without carrying about dumb readers. I finally gotta say, am a fan of yours, though still without wings. :)

shit! read it is "caring". And I was talking about dumb readers, lol :P

As far as I know nobody has commented on the fact that England lost to New Zealand in an identical manner in the mini series only last year. New Zealand scored two runs off the final delivery through an overthrow and no backing up. It therefore amazes me that this was not discussed and lessons learnt. I know people will argue that in the heat of the momemt things can go wrong. However these are professional players and the captain should have made the others aware of staying calm and at least not to lose the match on the final ball. It was all very frustrating to lose in this manner once again. If you never look at where you go wrong you never improve.

actually, the comments from the (apparently numerous) people who don't seem to get this are almost as funny as the piece... :)

Great article! Probably the best I have read following the England mess up.

Nice humour Andy. A touch of Oscar Wilde in you.

Hahaha.

Genius article.

Wow. There is some spectacular point-missing going on there. Presumably these people go to see Waiting for Godot and then demand their money back because that Godot guy never showed up.

BRILLIANT article. The point is made that England supporters' mouths are all completely zipped. No excuses, no arguments.

One of your best efforts but I fear most wouldn't get it.

Brilliant, Andy! I'm not sure what's funnier though..your article or the fact that it has gone over the heads of so many!

Its time ICC should think about saving matches from rain. Covering the whole stadium will be an expensive option but may be we can find some other exciting ways like playing in rain. May be Umpire can change the ball to a lighter version in heavy rain situation so that game goes on.

Rain is making the difference between football and Twenty20. We should do something to eliminate this.

Brilliant! I'm sure Andy feels like every other English fan. Myself, I now feel free - I have divorced myself from anything to do with English cricket after over 30 years of (mostly) misery following almost every ball. I now never have to burden myself with watching a cricket match again. Well done Netherlands and thank you - I can get on with my life without this constant dross. Collingwood et al - best of luck and get lost.

Great article, Andy. Read it the first time and was completely dumbfounded but then after reading through it again, I was laughing quite hard. Yes, the drainage system truly is miraculous at Lord's.
For those who don't get it, try looking for any mention of the opening game. Then think about what the opening game was. Then think why there is such a lack of acknowledgement to it...

The last sentence just puts it over the top. Brilliant satire!

Brilliant! If English cricket breathes its last.. as I fear it is going to pretty soon at this rate.. what I will miss the most is the writing on cricket as this article demonstrated.

Vow awesome article. Didn't waste a "key" for that match.

I occasionally come to the confectionary stall. I was disappointed this time because there was no mention of the match at all. or is there a link somewhere on this page which will take me to a the next page. Mr. zaltzman you have disappointed me by not covering the match completely. The following points have not been covered.
1) The toss has not been covered.
2) The first innings has not been covered (being in india I slept after the first innings.
3) My failure to read the morning news in india was not covered (nothing different was expected)
4) The shock, that came late in the day on hearing about the delibertae absence of the link for the next page on Mr zatzman's blog, was not covered.
5) The preparation for the ashes series has not been covered.
6) Mr. zaltzman could have researched and written about the various treatment for achilles tendon over the ages.
7) Mr. zatzman could have enriched us with the effects of tea on a cold rain drenched evening.

please give the link

wat fart...there is no satire or genuis in this,bland...

Nice description of the conditions, draining system and atmosphere at Lord's at the start of the event - as a cricketfan (also of the England squad, that plays a lot more often than the Dutch!) I really appreciate that! It must be that ancient british sense of humour to "ostrichly" forget to mention about the game itself.. Funny man, I like that kind of humour! Sense of humour is on of the strongest abilities of mankind to survive. Btw : Kevin Pietersen is SA-born from Dutch offspring "wink wink"

some very funny moments here - namely the comments of those readers who failed to spot the sarcasm.

Don't talk about the match. I mentioned it once, but think I got away with it.

Wow Dutch Team,It was a Crushing defeat for England.England should be ashamed.

hi all kiven peterson bat real well and about chris broud ball very well agisnst pakistan

I cant believe how literate some of these readers are. Come on folks... its called SARCASM!!!

"Nevertheless, it is exciting that, with the first game completed, the World Twenty20 is finally underway."
Funny! So this match even though England were caught napping with their nappies visible, wasnt even worth a mention?

Congrats Andy! For making the first page!

How wonderful that the tournament started off with a gentlemen v players game; not seen at Lords since 1962.

I can't help but feel this blog has gone over some of the blogger's heads somewhat.

Utter genius! That last sentence is pure class.

Pity so many comments here show such a one dimensional understanding of the English sense of humour! I guess you either get it or you don't.

brilliant stuff, not for everyone to understand the joke being made. But i cant even blame new commers for not getting what the joke was, there is actually a lot of hype surrounding your articles and obvious there will be some Tom,Dick and..... reading you article by you for the very first time and wondering where is the humor. For all the people who ask why no comments on the game, let me ask you who would a writer end with "...with the first game completed..." and on the next line "sure there will be some excellent matches....". Its just brilliant :)